I Love BEEing Set Free...

I have been packing for a while now... I feel like a turtle... having to cart around my home and everything I own with me wherever I go. I have no permanent place to call my own. I want that - although I am the kind of person who needs to move around a lot.

I was packing today with Missy (bless her for staying in Provo). We found a bee on the window. (Bees scare me, not just because of the stinging they can do - but because I am allergic and I am scared of what could happen.) Mr. Bee was crawling around on the screen and Missy shut the window and trapped him in between the window and the screen. My room is H-O-T (HH air conditioning is broken)- but I dare not open the window because I think he is still tapped there. I feel like that bee - stuck between two places and I just want to be free.

Today I talked to my Uncle Rob (FAMILY!) in Boston and he is VERY excited to see me. Anyone who knows me - knows this is a BIG deal to me. I cannot wait to see them - maybe I will stay forever. I crave family longer and harder than I have ever craved anything before. I can see them very easily stealing my heart away from BYU, from my friends, from everything I love- but I have to be careful - Setting something free (like my heart) comes with a risk that I might get stung. Setting something free is good - but only if they have a place to go home to. When I introduce myself now and say I am from Utah - I have no reason to say I am from Minnesota - I am not going back there. I tell people I grew up there and that is all. Utah has become my home. My drivers license, passport, residency, taxes, and everything - is filed in Utah. Utah has become my home - and I might be homesick when I leave... but also - things change so quickly in my life.

I moved here to Utah because I fell in love with this place, with this air, with these mountains. I fall in love with places in a deep way. Places change me, they change my heart and my soul and my breathing. When I move in less than 24 hours - What if I fall in love again? It could very well happen. I do not like to feel trapped. I do not like to stay in the same place very long, because the place starts to fall out of love with me and it always break my heart a little. Once my heart is broken, I sometimes give it back, but it less of a heart then, and more of a mess. I have only found one place that I am still in love with after even all this time…
My Uncle Rob's voice was so comforting to me - I think it helped heal my soul a little.

sOuL bReAkInG HaPpEnS wHeN yOu CaN hEaR hAtE iN
sOmEoNe’S vOiCe.

sOuL hEaLiNg HaPpEnS wHeN yOu CaN hEaR lOvE iN
sOmEoNe’S vOiCe…

...In my life I have learned how to
tell the difference.